I was reading this story this morning, which is “the second in a five-part series examining home schooling in northeast Kansas.” It talks about socialization.

There are extensive quotes from Bridget Biggs, an assistant professor in Kansas University’s clinical child psychology program.

She concedes:

that children who are bullied, rejected and continuously victimized can develop a negative self-concept, anxiety and even depression. There’s also evidence to suggest that peers can influence behaviors related to sexuality, drug and alcohol use, and delinquency.

But then she goes on to claim that children get “support and validation for who they are” from their same-aged peers.

I disagree. School-aged children do very little validating and a lot of cruel singling out, especially in a group setting like school.

Sure, when a child forms a good friendship, there is a lot of support there, but my homeschooled kids have good friendships with other children, too. What they don’t have is the unfortunate experience of being stuck in the same classroom all year with a bully who makes their lives miserable, peer pressure to like and dislike what everyone else does, or pressure to get into adult activities before they are mature enough.

Biggs also claims that children learn to think critically in peer groups, for example, when negotiating playground rules, and such critical thinking would not be developed in a parent-child situation where what the parent says goes.

I am not sure how such interactions could be completely avoided in a homeschool setting. Even in homes where outside socialization is not practiced, there are usually siblings. And even with parents, who are the final authority in many homes, there are still situations where the child is encouraged to work through things.

I just get so tired of this debate. There is really no ideal situation where we can guarantee that every child will have the perfect experience that will result in a well-adjusted, outgoing, socially adept person with positive, but not too positive, self-image.

All we can do is try to provide the best we can for our children, according to what we, as parents, know to be best for their individual needs.

The operative word here being “parents,” of course.