I was reading the blog PHAT Mommy the other day and she has a post up about how she is less than passionate about homeschooling. It’s a really thought-provoking and honest post.
As I read it, I could really relate. I sometimes feel that way, too.
When I do, though, I remember (or more often, my husband reminds me) that this is only a season. A time in my life, not my whole life. If I focus on what I am doing in this season, instead of what I did before or what I want to do after, I am much happier with what I am doing now.
If I focused on what I “gave up” to homeschool, or what I could be doing now if I wasn’t homeschooling, I would never get out of bed in the morning.
I have ambitions that span beyond being mother and teacher to my children. (Gasp!)
Right now, I know that this is what is right for me and my family. And I am okay with that, now that I have a right perspective about it.
I don’t know how I could feel okay about it, though, if I didn’t start to develop a right perspective about God.
I’m not saying that someone who does not believe in God cannot be at peace with their decision to put their ambitions on hold to homeschool their children, but for me, my peace has come with the realization that God has great things in store for my life, but this is where He wants me to be right now.
There is noting better out there waiting for me that my children are holding me back from. And, yes, I have felt that way when things have been tough.
I was just starting to get my freelance writing career going when it was put on my heart to homeschool.
The boys were about to start school and I was not able to sleep because of the stress. I had had some problems with the school when the D was in kindergarten and second grade (we had a great teacher in first) and I did not want to deal with that again. Also, Big E had a really tough time with some badly behaved kids in his class the year before and they both hated going to school.
When I say hated, I mean, they screamed and cried in the morning that they didn’t want to go.
I went nights without sleep and finally I prayed to God to give me peace and wisdom, and most of all sleep. He did. He also put it on my heart to homeschool. (To what?!?)
At first, I was totally on board with it. I mean, it was God’s idea, so it had to be great, right? The kids thrived the first year, too, so I knew it was a great thing.
This year has not been as good. Personally, I have really struggled in rebellion against God and I sometimes do not want to accept that He has the best plans for me. They are usually not the plans I had.
It hasn’t helped that we have had a very big struggle with the D this year either. He is going through a really tough time emotionally regarding his bio-father and his behavior has been challenging to say the least.
Of course, I know that it would only be worse if he was in public school, but that didn’t stop me from thinking that I was not cut out to homeschool and from fantasizing about all the great things that I could be doing with my life if I wasn’t.
I have been working on trusting God and submitting to His plan for my life, even when - especially when - they run contrary to my own plans. The more I trust God, the more I am passionate about and satisfied with this season of my life.
I can’t imagine how I would find peace without Him.
Even my husband’s sage wisdom, that this is only a season, comes from the Lord, from Ecclesiastes 3.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”
This is the time that I need to focus on raising my children and homeschooling them. For the most part, it is enjoyable and rewarding. But when those moments come when it is not so enjoyable and the reward seems elusive, I only need to remember that this is God’s plan for me at this time and He has wonderful things in store for me in every season.
