All Things Hold Together

If you are like me, every year you start a new read-the-Bible-in-a-year plan.  And, if you are like me, every year, you fall short of completing it.

Last year, I made it to sometime in mid-February.

This year, I made it to January 4.

No worries, though.  I just found out that our church’s children’s ministry has posted a New Testament reading plan that starts tomorrow and goes through April 4.

I was working on a post that tells about the struggles I had with my faith last year, but I just could not get it right. I didn’t want it to be too long or say too much, but I wanted it to say enough.

I wanted to share what I learned, looking back, about the way our modern, seeker-friendly churches give people a shallow faith that cannot stand up to trials and tests.

I wanted to share how God used other Christians, some of whom I don’t even know IRL, to bring be back to Him.

I will share it because it is a good story that needs telling, but today I was hit in the face with another example of the problem I had, only this person did not come back, or at least not yet, and a good friend of mine, an inspirational sister in Christ, was hurt in the process.

Some time after I cane to Christ, some ladies in my neighborhood were having a study group for the book Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge, and they invited me.

There was a woman there who was not a Christian, I’ll call her Deena. She was going through a divorce. Her husband had been unfaithful. She was a wreck. I felt compassion for her, but I did not like being around her.

After she accepted Jesus, she was a totally new person. I love being around her now. She is so uplifting. She glows with her love for the Lord.

The most amazing thing about her is that she struggles with illnesses and pain. She has greater struggles than most people I know. But through everything her faith is strong and she is an inspiration to everyone around her.

After seeing this great change, her soon-to-be ex-husband, I’ll call him Stan, wanted to give his life to Jesus. He changed, too, and they recommitted to one another.

I just found out that the seeds sown in him were not so deep; they did not take root in him as they had in her.

Deena found out a couple of months ago that Stan has been having an affair.

Amazingly, through it all, she is closer to the Lord than ever.

But as much as her faith is a testament to the power of having Jesus in your heart, Stan’s unwillingness to repent of his sinful lifestyle is a testament to the sad reality that many people who accept Jesus will fall away.

“A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. He who has ears, let him hear.” - Matt. 13

I don’t know which analogy explains what happened with Stan. Did he not understand the message of the Kingdom? Did it not take root? Did the worries of this world choke it out?

I had a crisis with my faith this past year. For me, I was the man in verses 20-21.

The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away.

Fortunately, I did not do anything as stupid and irreparable as what Stan did. Thankfully, God pulled me back and provided me with the means to gain a deeper understanding.

There but for the grace of God go I.

I’ve given up on giving up slowly
I’m blending in so you won’t even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate

And this one last bullet you mention
Is my one last shot at redemption
Cause I know to live you must give your life away

And I’ve been housing all this doubt
And insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m going

Because
I got to get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I got to get out of here
And I’m begging you
I’m begging you
I’m begging you to be my escape

I’ve given up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
You’ve told me the way, and I’m trying to get there

And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit, that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Because
I’ve been housing all this doubt
And insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me

And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where I’m going
I promise I’m going because..

I got to get out of here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake again
I got to get out of here
And I’m begging you
I’m begging you
I’m begging you to be my escape

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave

Because I’ve been housing all this doubt
And insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
That might be the death of me
And even though there’s no way of knowing where to go
I promise I’m going

Because
I got to get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut I fell into by mistake
I got to get out of here
And I’m begging you
I’m begging you
I’m begging you to be my escape

I fought you
For so long
I should have let you win
Oh, how we regret those things we do

And all I
Was trying
To do was save my own skin
Oh, but so were you
So were you

I started watching the new series on ABC, “Samantha Who?” I really like it a lot, which is saying something because there is very little on TV that I like at all these days.

It’s about a woman who has amnesia and cannot remember anything of her former life. As she meets people and starts to piece together who she is (or was), she realizes that she does not like that person. The show chronicles Sam as she tries to find out who she wants to be, while realizing that she is stuck with the fallout of the actions of her former self.

For example, she discovers that she works for a firm that aggressively acquires real estate through less than honorable means. She decides that she wants to quit, until she finds out that old Sam left her with $30,000 in credit card debt.

If you want to check it out, ABC offers full episodes online, which is an awesome feature.

Anyway, at the end of this week’s show, Sam offered the following closing monologue.

I had this dream and I woke up clean and white as snow, my debts forgiven, and my sins all washed away.

That sounds awesome!

But, it’s a bunch of crap.

I mean, yesterday can’t be un-lived. It’s part of today. You drag it along like a big, old dog.

I heard this and my heart just sank. I mean, I know that our sins can be washed away, yet I also know that the truth is, we do carry around the past like a big, old dog. And man, I hate dogs, especially big ones.

I felt so conflicted, so disappointed, so lost. It brought up some feelings that I didn’t even know I was having about God and about my life.

When I came to Christ, I was already living a pretty good life. Bob and I were happily married and had a beautiful son. I was involved in local politics and writing a column for our local paper. I was happy, but deep down I carried with me the burden of childhood hurts and the pain brought on by the immoral lifestyle I had once lived. Way down in the places where I would never let myself go, I was very broken.

I brought these hurts to the cross and I had the pain lifted and healed in a way that I never knew possible. I was free. I was whole for the first time in my life.

As time passed, though, I began to feel beaten down by the reality that, while my guilt and shame could be washed away, the consequences of my actions would always be with me, for me to drag around like a big, old dog. I will never be free from that.

I started to feel like I had been sold a bill of goods. I started to think that maybe it is all just a bunch of crap. What good is forgiveness when I still have to deal with the fallout of the actions of my former self?

Samantha ended her monologue on a more positive note.

Today is all we can control. We do today right, we may even have a shot at tomorrow.

And this is where grace comes in. It’s not about erasing our past; it’s about carrying us through today.

We can’t control today. We can’t do it right, either. Oh, we can try and we can do the best we can, but it will never be good enough. We will always make mistakes. We will always have regrets.

What we can do is walk with Jesus by our side. What we can do is accept that He has forgiven our sins and restored our relationship with Him.

We might not be able to do today right on our own, but we can do today right with the power that comes with knowing the One who created us.

There is really no getting around the fact that there are problems in our lives that we cannot leave behind no matter how much we want to. But dragging around a big, old dog doesn’t seem like quite as much work when you have someone with infinite strength helping you pull it along.

I have been meaning to do a post about the name of this blog. It’s on my list with the hundred other posts I want to do when I get a chance to.

While I work on getting a moment to blog something meaningful, Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer has a great post up today about that verse.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about what to do for Halloween this year.

Now, I am not the legalistic type and I do not think that every Christian needs to make the same decision that we made, but I wanted to share with you my thoughts on this subject, as they pertain to our family.

(Read full post)

Bob and I came to Christ around three years ago. Before that time, my children were not raised Christian. Little E does not remember a time that we were not followers of Christ, but the older children do. As such, they have celebrated Halloween every year, except last year.

Last year, we had a little party with some Christian neighbors of ours who do not celebrate Halloween and we stayed home from trick-or-treating, though we handed out candy.

We would be happy to do that again this year, but they moved.

I have spent some time reading articles for and against Christians celebrating Halloween and have come to the conclusion that it is a topic about which there is a lot of disagreement.

There is a lot to be said for the point of view that Halloween is harmless in its present-day form, as practiced by most people, and as would be by us.

In the “for” article linked above, the author makes the case that Christians should not hide from the day, but instead take it as an opportunity to laugh at the Evil One, whom we all know is also a proud one.

Halloween as a day to mock Satan? An interesting perspective, indeed.

I would perhaps be more open to this if the author had not characterized his opposition as those who “shun make-believe.”

That’s news to me. If Halloween is just a day for kids to dress up and enjoy their imaginations, I guess everyday is Halloween in our house. I can’t think of a single day in the past several months that Little E did not have a costume on.

I don’t think we will be mocking Satan this year. See, we have just come out of a many-months’ long period of intense spiritual attack.

I know that I am opening myself up to ridicule by sharing this, but spiritual attack is not something to laugh at and Satan is not a foe to be taken in good humor.

Every one in our home felt this evil working to hold this family back from doing God’s work.

I don’t know if you have any idea how spiritual attack occurs, or how to deal with it, but I have been immersed in studying it for the past month, trying to claim my freedom as a child of God.

Coming through this dark period in our lives and seeing the light on the other side, I see no reason to glorify all that is evil, even with the intent of making a mockery of the Evil One.

This year, we will spend the week leading up to Halloween in intercessory prayer on behalf of those who are to take part in Halloween festivities, especially anyone dabbling in the occult. Then on Halloween night, we are going to shut out the lights, as to not attract the trick-or-treaters dressed in scary costumes (because I don’t want to taunt the boys with what they are *missing*), and pop in a family movie.

And share a bag of candy, of course.

If you are interested in learning more about spiritual warfare, I highly recommend the following series of podcasts from Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

Spiritual Warfare 101 - parts 1 and 2
(part 2 is incorrectly labeled as part 1, but it is part 2)

Spiritual Warfare 201 - parts 1 and 2

Spiritual Warfare 301 - parts 1 and 2

Spiritual Warfare 401 - parts 1 and 2

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24

One of the things that non-Christians (or at least, non-Bible-believing Christians) have a hard time understanding is the roles of husbands and wives.

Once I was asked if I really believed that a wife should submit to her husband.

It’s as if one can accept that I believe in creation, or that I believe in the resurrection, or that I believe in tithing, but it is unfathomable that I could believe that my husband is the head of our home and that I should submit to his authority.

I don’t really see what the big deal is. My husband is not a louse. If he was a drunkard, or an adulterer, or abusive, then I would understand their shock and disbelief, but everyone knows that my husband is a nice guy, so why is this so hard to accept?

Then on Sunday, I had one of those “a-ha” moments.

We were in the car leaving church and Bob asked me how my knee was doing. I thought it rather odd since my knee hadn’t bothered me in days, so I said, “It hurts; how did you know that?”

That day, we were late for church so, we had to split up. I, along with Little E and the D, sat in front of Bob and Big E.

When we stood up to pray at the end of the service, he noticed that I was favoring my good leg.

To understand how amazing that was, I have to tell you that my husband is not very observant. I do not mean that as an insult, it is just not one of his strengths.

Despite that, he cares enough about me to take notice of how I am doing.

This is why it is so hard for people who are not trying to live a Biblical life to understand how I can give up my autonomy and submit to my husband (or why I would want to).

See, not only are wives commanded to submit to their husbands, but husbands are to love thier wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” *

Christ died for his church!

Wives may be called to submit to their husbands, but the husbands have a pretty heavy responsibility, too, here.

Neither my husband nor I am perfect in living up to our Biblical roles in our marriage, but we strive for the selflessness that really sets apart Christian living from worldly living.

I don’t say that in a boastful way, or a way to put others down, just as an explanation for why it is so hard for others to understand how a woman can submit to her husband, and why it is not oppressive or otherwise hurtful to her.

A good Christian husband does not take his position of authority and exploit it to his wife’s detriment. Instead, he cherishes her. He cares for her. He notices when she favors one leg as she stands because the knee on the other leg hurts.

When I went to the grocery store today, this song came on when I turned on the CD player. I almost forgot how much Kutless can rock.

For those who prefer something a little mellower, Kutless has a song for that, too.

I know that I have posted this video before, but I really love the talk Jon Micah gives at the beginning about God’s love and grace.

The songs “Treason” and “Sea of Faces” are both from the album Sea Of Faces.

Kutless also has a great worship album called, “Strong Tower.” Even if you are not into the rocking style of their other albums, this is a beautiful worship album, with a contemporary sound.

They have a few other albums, too, but these are the two that I personally own and love. I am sure that the others are great, too, though.

I have not done a “Faith Things” post in a month!

I have so much to say about how God has been working in my life lately, but I don’t know where to start and I don’t have time to share it all at once. So, every time I come online to write a post, I end up not doing it.

It seems like if I just started doing it each time, I would be done posting all of it by now!

I’ll just start with yesterday and work backward, I guess.

I have a song in my head from the Summer Kids Week at our church (aka VBS). We just got the CD of music that they used.

It’s an R&B style song, sang by a trio of women. The chorus says:

Don’t worry ’bout a thing,
not a single thing
Don’t worry ’bout tomorrow
and what it may bring
Don’t worry ’bout a thing,
not a single thing

The song is based on Matthew 6:25-34 and makes references to various things in that passage of scripture.

The one part that is stuck in my head says:

Seek Him first
And what you need will
come to you

Ahh, seek Him first
(ev’rything ya need)

It’s very catchy.

So, I’ve had this song in my head a lot the past two days. And then yesterday morning, I decided that I was just going to seek Him first.

To backtrack for a moment, I will fill the rest in later (in another post), but I just have to point out that I have been really struggling - we all have been struggling - to get a long with The D. He is going through a major rough time. I intend to do a full post on it soon, but trust me when I say it has been HARD!

So, back to yesterday morning. I decided to seek Him first.

I picked up a Bible and just started reading to the kids. I started at the beginning. They quickly informed me that they have read the beginning a thousand times. (Haven’t we all? It seems like a good place to start.)

So, I asked, then what did God make on the first day?

They went through and told me what God made each day. Wow! They did not learn that from me or at church. They learned that themselves, by reading the Bible on their own! I was amazed at the way that God really puts it on their heart to seek Him.

After that, we started talking about the spiritual realm. I wanted them to realize that it existed before the Earth was created and will exist after it is gone.

Gone! That was cause for alarm!

So, I ended up looking at Revelation in order to paraphrase. I ended up reading from Revelation 4 (I skipped the letters to the churches) all the way to the end.

They were completely enthralled, albeit a little taken aback that it was so graphic and, as they said, harsh.

There was a real teaching moment, though, when in Revelation 16, The Seven Bowl’s of God’s Wrath, the people refused to repent and turn from their sinful ways.

The boys commented that the people were “so stupid” to not turn from sin and worship God.

I explained that there are times when they have disobedience in their hearts so strongly that no matter what punishment I threaten them with (and carry out), they still refuse to admit that I have authority over them (ie do what they were told). This is similar to what was happening with these people.

We also talked about the fact that sometimes when bad things happen, people want to blame God because He didn’t stop it, or He let it happen. This attitude turns people away from God, like in this passage, where they curse God for the plagues.

I added that it is important to be faithful and remember that God is good, no matter what happens to us.

This might not strike you that I, a Christian homeschooling parent, had a Bible discussion with my children instead of doing school work. The reality is, I don’t normally have Bible discussions with my children. (That is really a whole post by itself.)

Back to “seek Him first.” I would like to say that we were so filled with the Holy Spirit that loving kindness ruled my home and the boys did everything they were told.

Not so.

But, the day was markedly better than it has been. The boys did get along much better. I was filled with much more love and patience, and better able to handle the struggles of the day.

Most importantly, I realized that we need to seek Him first. I need to stop trying to do this on my own.

I just wish I didn’t have to keep re-learning that lesson!

I just read a really great Bible Girl column, written by guest writer Jared Binder, about the Christian church’s acceptance of gluttony, and its resultant obesity.

There’s this thing in the Bible called gluttony. The Bible says it’s a sin. But we don’t like to talk about that particular sin. We prefer to point a pudgy finger at others and decry the evils of drugs and alcohol, pornography, abortion and homosexuality. Compared to those, gluttony is just a little sin.

How timely. I have been having many of these same thoughts myself lately, but was not yet ready to share them.

I have been overweight most of my life and really struggled with it, off and on, since I was in college. It was the summer after my freshman year that it really hit me how fat I had gotten and I started doing something about it.

Thus began what has been a now 13-year-long pattern of dramatic weight gain and loss cycles.

In the first four years that I was married (2002-2006), I gained 46 pounds! I wish I could blame it on the fact that I had my third child, but I actually lost all of the weight I gained during pregnancy before putting on 33 more pounds.

Then, thanks to viewing some really bad pictures of myself, I lost about 20 in the past year.

The change came from making small dietary changes - re-learning how to eat, with healthy foods and smaller portions.

That only took me so far, though, before I hit a roadblock. Since then, I have been trying to figure out why.

Upon careful examination of my eating habits, I realized that when I am stressed out, I tend to go into the kitchen and grab something to eat. Even though most of my food choices are healthy, one can still overeat on healthy foods - and gain weight.

Then one day recently, it dawned on me that I go to God with other temptations that I struggle with, so why not this?

Last November, I attended a Living Free in Christ conference with Dr. Neil Anderson. It was absolutely the most amazing experience. I was able to find freedom from another sin that I have struggled with almost my entire life. Satan had a stronghold over my life that was influencing my thoughts to the point that it was almost torture and I learned how to find freedom in Christ and have remained free ever since. (Which requires diligent control over my thought life, I must add, and prayer. It is not a quick, one-time fix.)

Until I read this Bible Girl column, I could not figure out why it took me so long to realize that I could also find freedom in Christ from the sin of gluttony and, most importantly, that I would not be able to break free from that stronghold without His help, especially since it is such a lifelong habit.

The reason is that the Christian community turns a blind eye to this sin.

We, as Christians, are quick to identify when one is turning to other comforts instead of to God. Drugs, alcohol, sex, materialism, work, busyness, and other distractions and coping mechanisms that we substitute for God are all the subjects of countless sermons and books, but not gluttony.

Yet it is just as dangerous to our health, both physically and spiritually. It serves as a wedge between us and God; something that keeps us from fully depending on Him and Him alone in our times of need.

I’m glad to see this issue brought up. I think more people would find comfort in knowing that they can take this struggle to the cross and break free from the hold that food has over them.