All Things Hold Together

I can’t believe that it has been two full weeks since I last blogged and 20 days since I last Twittered.

Things have been mad crazy around here. Big E and D’s bio-dad is visiting from out-of-state, which has caused mondo stress. Our close friends are moving away, so we have been spending a lot of time with them. Little E had a friend from Texas visiting, who is the grandson of our friends that are moving, so there was lots more visiting. Summer Kids Week (aka Vacation Bible School) was last week, so the kids were busy and tired. Bob has been working on the weekend, as his job occasionally requires, leaving me without my usual backup. And we are planning on moving, so there’s the planning and so forth involved in that.

Oh, and I just single-handedly rearranged our living/dining room (or great room, as they are sometimes called).

Lots going on.

Still, I am sorry to just disappear like that.

I need to recommit (again!) to blogging regularly. I have so many cool things I want to share, like recipes, crafts, and decorating ideas. And I want to do some posts about ADHD.

I took a July blogging break from my political blog and now I think I should have done that here, too - formally, I mean.

Anyway, I look forward to getting back in touch with my blog world friends. I hope you are all having a great summer!

I know, it has been so long since I updated. Things have been so crazy around here. It seems like every second of my life has been consumed with learning about ADHD. There is so much to this, but for the first time in 11 years, I finally have a glimpse inside the D’s mind.

I have never understood my boy. Never. But, now I am starting to. And it has made such a difference in our lives.

Things have settled down with him and he is now able to go a couple of days without a temper tantrum.

Still, it is not perfect and there is much work to be done.

The older boys are leaving for summer camp on Sunday for a full week.

Then, on Monday, my mom is taking Little E for a couple of days.

I will have a couple of days alone and then the rest of the week with only my 4-year-old, who loves lots of alone time.

It will be a long-needed break.

And when it is over, I should be rested and we should be able to get into a routine again. Hopefully, one that includes blogging!

I can’t believe that all of this change in our lives happened right when I got my new laptop!

At least it is change for the better. We are on the pathway toward healing the hurt feelings that resulted from a year-and-a-half long downward spiral in the D’s behavior.

Our family was a wreck. His tantrums got so bad that everyone hated being around him. The stress got the better of all of us and we all fell into bad patterns of interaction with one another.

Things are going much better now, though.

Still, I know this will always be work; it will always be a challenge. Any parent with an ADHD or other “attention different” child can tell you that, but at least it will be work toward a productive goal. Fighting all of the time was work, too, only without any positive outcome.

That’s all I have for now. I am seriously fighting to keep my eyes open, so I am going to get off the computer. I just wanted to check in and let my blog friends know how I am doing.

I plan on resuming Weight Watchers Wednesday tomorrow, too.

Just to follow up on last night’s rant…

I am feeling much better today. I had a good cry last night, followed by a good talk with Bob.

This morning, I took the kids for a walk to the park, which was around 2.3 miles round trip, according to Google Maps. I was good to get out. Very therapeutic.

I am definitely going to make that a regular thing.

We are going to switch to our summer schedule, since we are close to wrapping up the school work for this year’s portfolios to the state.

The summer schedule will include about an hour of academic stuff, so we can still finish up what we need to do. After that, we will do more project-oriented learning activities.

We will go out in the mornings, but I like to stay in during the sun’s peak burning hours (red hair + light skin + blue eyes + freckles = major sun burns), so I figured we could keep the studies going over the summer.

The older boys are going to camp for a week from the 22 - 28, so I have a nice break coming up. Then, in July, they will have summer kids week at church from 9 - 12 every day. Add in a couple of trips to grandma’s and I should have the mental health breaks I need to avoid meltdowns like last night.

Plus, I plan to go out at least once a week when Bob is home to some place with WiFi, so I can bring my laptop.

In other words, I am doing much better. (Wait, I said that already.)

Sorry for being such a downer! I hope to get some fun stuff posted later today and a soap tutorial tomorrow (hopefully!).

I am so overwhelmed I cannot even put it into words. I did not realize how much I was tuning out The D’s problems and not dealing with them. I mean, I was dealing with them, but more as if he was just being a bad kid. Now I realize that this disorder gives him a completely altered way of seeing the world and dealing with life. Absent learning to adapt to his condition, he does act like a bad kid. But he is not. The changes we are making in our approach to parenting are starting to work already. As much as I abhor schedules, the schedules are helping. Standing in as his substitute brain when he is frustrated is starting to help. He went all day today without stomping. You have no idea what a big deal that is. To put it in perspective, he was stomping so much, he made the light in the downstairs apartment fall down last week! Thank God that the property manager was understanding.

I know that things are going to get better. They already are. Most importantly, I enjoy being around my son again. He has been so mean for so long that I all but gave up hope that he would ever be nice again. For 2 years he has acted like a mouthy teenage punk, but now he is just a little boy again.

The downside is that this is exhausting me. I am on duty every second of the day. The only reason I am online right now is that he is at a meeting at church. The other two boys are so quiet and independent by comparison. Even Little E, who is only 4!

I am so physically and emotionally wiped out that I started crying when I read, “ADD is an ‘invented disease,’ it is a ‘media-myth’.”

I Googled “homeschooling” and “ADD” and “ADHD” to find out more about what other parents do with homeschooling ADHD kids. I found that gem on Home Education Magazine’s web site. I have not read the articles linked there yet. I was crying too much.

Why do people think they know everything about everybody else?

This is not a made up condition!!!

In all my years of political blogging and dealing with complete idiocy, I have never wanted to call anyone an asshat until just this very minute.

After everything my son has been and is going through, and the difference in his mood, attitude, and behavior since starting the medication, you cannot convince me that this is a myth.

This is not just a kid who won’t sit still or doesn’t pay attention. He is not difficult to teach or slow or behind academically. All the judge-y know-it-alls think ADHD is all about drugging active kids to get them to sit still.

No. It isn’t.

True, The D does not sit still. Neither do my other two boys. I read to them while they are hanging upside down or rolling on the floor. I homeschool. THEY DO NOT NEED TO SIT STILL!

This is a kid who is unable to process through his emotions because his brain won’t sit still. So, he reverts to primitive behaviors, like stomping, yelling, and hitting.

He had no way to process the things that sent him into a depression a year and a half or so ago. And no one had any idea that this disorder was affecting him. That is why therapy was not making things any better and everyone threw up their hands when they could not help us.

But, you know, I am sure it is just an invented disease or a media-myth.

And I am even more sure that people are insensitive nitwits without a clue.

Too bad that doesn’t stop them from talking typing.

I have not had time to blog much lately, so here is a summary of some of the things I would like to tell you in a longer post, if I could scrounge up some *me* time.

* I am sorry that I did not get a Weight Watchers Wednesday post up this week. I just couldn’t get to it.  Nothing major to report there.

* I am finally getting the delicious purplish blossom pattern laptop that I have been dreaming about. The best part is that I will be able to blog when the kids are using the computer, which is about the only time I have during the day when they are not needing my attention/too noisy/annoying me/annoying each other/otherwise prohibiting blogging activity - or just so darn cute that I would rather hang out with them than blog (which really does happen).

* I spent the day with my 25-year-old sister yesterday. We went to a store near her that sells the kind of broomstick skirts I love for a great price. After we left, we had the following conversation.

Sis: Did you get the skirts you were trying on?
[She hadn’t actually seen the skirts I was trying on because she was trying stuff on.]
Me: Yeah. I actually bought a short skirt.
Sis: Short? You mean it comes up to your knees?
Me: Uh, yeah. Well, that’s short to me. My skirts usually go to my ankles.

I forget that short to your average 25-year-old is something different than it is to me.

* I finally got The D into the child and adolescent psychology department after all these months. We went in for the evaluation Wednesday. The woman who did the evaluation and I are both supposed to process everything over the week, so we can get back together on Thursday to put together a treatment plan. I like that approach. Thinking about things is a good idea. So is praying about it. I’m glad I have time to sit with it.

He has all the criteria for Oppositional Defiant Disorder, shows signs of depression, and is hyperactive and impulsive, but without the attention deficit and inability to concentrate that is normally present in ADHD kids.

In other words, no kidding. I didn’t learn anything new, except what treatment options are available. My hope is that we can get into a parenting training program so we can learn more effective behavioral therapy techniques.

That’s about it. I’m hoping things calm down around here soon, so I can get regular blogging time.

Have a great weekend!

Bob has never been very good at getting me gifts. He’s not horrible; it’s just that he often waits until the last minute and settles for something so-so.

I have to admit, though, he has had a few successes throughout the years.

Back when we were dating, he once bought me a mug that I absolutely loved from a pottery store. And a necklace and earring set from this really funky jeweler. And for Christmas 2006, he bought me an iPod Shuffle. One of those cute clip-on ones, which I totally *heart*.

But his overall success rate left me with a low expectations. (You know, to avoid disappointment.)

Let’s face it, buying good gifts is a skill. And like any skill, if you really want to get better at it, and are willing to work at it, you will get better.

Well, he has been working at it. I gave him some tips about paying attention to the things I look at in stores and the things I talk about, then acting on that information at gift-buying time.

Today was my birthday and I told Bob that I did not want much because I need some new clothes and sneakers and I don’t want him to spend a lot of money on a present for me.

I admit, I was nervous. I cannot stand the idea of spending money on something we don’t need (or I don’t like). Plus, it’s nice to get a good gift. I’ll admit it.

But he knocked it out of the park.

First, he went to Costco and bought me a huge thing of Ferrero Rocher. Then, he took the boys to Michaels (craft store) where they picked out some pens from Martha Stewart’s craft line and something to make me (which I will post pics of tomorrow). Finally, he got me this.

I love Burt’s Bees lip shimmer. And now I have this cute case (with mirror) to keep in my purse. Is that not adorable?

What a great birthday! Gifts I loved in a price range I don’t feel bad about. And an awesome husband, who took the time to pay attention when I saw this in a store once and remembered to go back and get it for my birthday.

I am blessed.

This morning, Little E came over to my side of the bed when I was just waking up.

As I groggily opened my eyes, I joyfully exclaimed, “Oh! You here to snuggle!”

He hasn’t been snuggling with me lately because he would rather draw with Big E. He’s reaching that age where boys (maybe girls, too, I have no idea) start to pull away. Big E was the same way, but I had a baby on the way, so it was not as hard to accept.

Needless to say, I was so happy to see him there this morning. I just felt like I really could use a good snuggle. (I am not sure if that had anything to do with the fact that I started my period shortly thereafter.)

“Uuuummmm…” [pause]

I could tell by the look on his face that he was conflicted. He hadn’t come in to snuggle, but he could see that I was excited to snuggle and he didn’t want to break the news to me.

Realizing my mistake, I let him off the hook.

“You didn’t come in here to snuggle, did you?”

He shook his head.

“That’s okay,” I said quickly, before he had a chance to feel bad, “we don’t need to snuggle right now. What did you want?”

I can’t even remember what it was.

All I can remember is how broken hearted I was when I realized that my little guy is too grown up for his morning mommy snuggle time.

After he left, I remarked to my husband, Bob, that Little E once said, when he gets to be too old to snuggle, Dad can snuggle with me.

It wasn’t the same, but it was nice nonetheless.

How did you cope with your baby growing up?

Do I even have any readers who do not still have a baby?

Every night, Bob and I get ready for bed together. We have two sinks in the bathroom, so we brush our teeth side-by-side and talk or joke around. It’s just one of our nightly rituals.

The night before last, I was washing my hands and he was standing in front of the toilet with the lid up, about to use it. The soap I was using was a small round bar that I had made out of a shea butter soap base that I bought.

I started going on about how much I love the shea butter soap - it’s so creamy and luxurious - when all of the sudden, the soap popped out of my hand, flew up in the air, came down, bounced off the counter, and landed - plop! - into the toilet.

Needless to say, our toilet has not been flushing well. And yesterday, I had to take a plunger to it every time one of the boys went number two.

Now I know why we keep the lid shut.

Last night, Little E came into our room because he had a bad dream. This morning over breakfast, he shared what it was about.

It seems some giant clock tower came to life and was chasing him. (I think that was because he was watching Power Rangers Time Force yesterday, in which the Rangers live in a clock tower.) He was running to me for help, but I wasn’t paying attention because I was on the computer blogging!

Did you hear that? I wouldn’t save my sweet baby boy from the clock tower monster because I was too busy blogging.

I looked at my husband and said, “Gee, does that mean I spend too much time blogging?”

At least my husband reads my blogs, so he knows there is no way that is true.

I am still not fully healed from the flu that I have had for the past 10 days or so. I lose my energy sometime in the afternoon (no, more than normal) and I have a bad cough still.

Every night this week, I have been up coughing. I take cough medicine, to no avail.

Last night, I was coughing so much that I threw up three times!

After I brushed my teeth and had some water, I was still coughing. I realized that I had thrown up the cough medicine and I was wondering what to do so that Bob and I could get a good night’s sleep.

Then I remembered reading an article about a study that showed honey to be an effective cough remedy for children.

I went and had a spoonful of that delicious raw raspberry blossom honey that I told you about and went back to bed.

I coughed once more when I got back into bed, but after that, I was out like a light and did not cough even once throughout the night!

I still have the cough this morning, so it is not gone. The honey quieted my cough for the whole night.

I was so amazed by this, I had to share.