This is one of my greatest fears for my son D. I saw him in bits of her story about her son and it is so terrifying to think that I could someday be facing what this woman is.

She believes that her son was diagnosed too late, at 14, and that help earlier on could have made the difference.

The D was diagnosed earlier this year, at 11, but I have often felt that an earlier diagnosis would have been so much better for all of us. We could have learned more about ADHD and how to parent an ADHD child before this critical time, when the rebellious behaviors are more intense. And D could have gotten professional help sooner, before his self-esteem was so damaged and his behavior patterns so ingrained.

One of the biggest problems I see for parents and children is the public perception of ADHD. For one, many people, including Bob and I at one time, think it is a made-up disorder, the result of schools and parents not wanting to deal with wild boys. The over-medication and over-diagnosis of the condition has contributed to this opinion.

People also do not understand what ADHD is. Most people think it is a child who can’t sit still and focus. These expectations are increasingly placed on kids too early and it is no wonder that we have an ADHD boom.

Well, that is not ADHD. I mean, that is a part of it, but I have three little boys and not a one of them can sit still and focus. Well, they can, but not always and probably not for a six hour school day. Or in the case of Big E, when he was in school, sitting still and focusing for that long made him come home crying from the stress.

ADHD is something entirely different. From the article,

Symptoms include over-activity, sleep disorders, low self-esteem, aggression, disruptive behaviour, frustration, attention-seeking, depression or anxiety and, more importantly in Christopher’s case, a tendency towards substance abuse.

That sounds more serious, does it not?

The D has always had ADHD, but the negative publicity and misinformation about the condition led to his delayed diagnosis.

His childcare center had concerns about his odd behavior. His elementary school teacher in kindergarten had concerns about his lack of social development. His second grade teacher had concerns about his inability to keep still in class. I met regularly with the guidance councilor. He went to a school-recommended therapist for years. No one knew he had ADHD because their understanding of the condition was limited and he did not fit into the picture they had.

D is a very bright child, but ADHD is not a learning disorder.

D can sit and focus for hours on something he is interested in, but ADHD is not an absence of attention; it is a difference of attention. (They should call it Attention Different Hyperactivity Disorder.)

There are many books on the subject that give a more accurate picture of ADHD. One of my favorites is Survival Strategies for Parenting Your ADD Child: Dealing with Obsessions, Compulsions, Depression, Explosive Behavior, and Rage, by George T. Lynn.

ADHD is not a myth. It is not a case of “boys will be boys” or of children in need of stricter parenting. These children have real struggles that need to be dealt with in a different way than the parenting of typically developed children.

If you are concerned about your child’s behavior, I encourage you to seek the help of professionals that specialize in ADHD. Early intervention is important, so that you can learn to effectively handle your child’s challenges and help him learn to live with ADHD.

ADHD has some wonderful traits too, including creativity, enthusiasm for adventure, and ability to hyper-focus on things that they are passionate about. Here is a list I found of 64 positive aspects of ADHD.

Although stories such as the one I linked to are heartbreaking and can make the situation seem hopeless, there are also success stories of people who are living with ADHD, such as the star of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Ty Pennington, and Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps.

Parenting an ADHD child is difficult and demanding, both physically and emotionally, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel for most parents. With help, your child can live with – and thrive with – ADHD.

Sure, when it comes down to it, I think all parents want their kids to do what they are told when it really matters, but decidedly non-religious parents tend to look at the Christian parenting goal of obedience as a bad thing.

First, to clear up some misconceptions that I have come across, this is my take on what I will call, for lack of a better phrase, Christian parenting. That is not to say it is definitively what one must do if they are to be called a Christian, but what is the typical advice given by Christian parenting experts.

Christian parenting, from what I have gleaned (and I am by no means an expert), is focused on three (cumulative) stages: obedience, responsibility, and gradual freedom. Here I am going to focus on obedience.

With our young children, first time obedience is often the focal point. We want to teach our children to obey the sound of our voice when we first speak, not after we have nagged repeatedly, or convinced them that we have a good reason for our command.

This is often misrepresented by secular parents (for lack, again, of a better phrase) as Christian parents teach their children to have unquestioning obedience to authority, at all times, with no thoughtful consideration given to what that authority figure is telling them to do.

This is not the case. As a child ages, we teach them to reason, we teach them to think for themselves, and we gradually give them freedom, while they are still under our roofs, so they do not fall on their faces when they get out into the real world. We are not raising our children to fail, but to succeed.

The obvious reason for a Christian parent to teach her child obedience is so that child learns that there are authorities above him that he must obey, namely, the Lord.

But this model can be just as useful to non-Christian parents, for their children will also encounter authority figures in their lifetime – teachers, the government, employers, to name a few. To function in society, one must learn to obey authority.

Think about the last time you had to tell your child to do something – repeatedly. Go on, think about it.

Now, fast-forward 20 years. How many employers do you think would appreciate having to tell your adult child to do something – repeatedly?

Parenting with an expectation of first-time obedience provides the groundwork for important self-discipline that one must have to be successful in life. As an adult, that child will be expected to follow orders given the first time they are given. We are helping our children by teaching them to obey.

There is another element to obedience. It is common in the secular parenting advice that I have read (in books, magazines, etc.), to promote the idea that a parent should allow the child to require an explanation before compliance with an order and that the parent should take the time to reason through it with the child. That has got to be the worst advice I have ever followed. (And, yes, when I was a young, non-Christian parent, I did follow that advice. My kids are still recovering from it.)

Don’t misunderstand me, I explain things to my children – after they have complied. They need to learn from my guidance in order to be able to apply it to other similar situations that will arise in their future.

Believe me, I have met children who are expected to obey with no explanation ever given, and they do not know how to apply their parents’ boundaries independently. That is a bad situation. It should be no one’s goal to raise children that cannot function but under their parents’ direction.

The problem I see with encouraging your child to always expect an explanation before compliance is that the child will not be able to discern when it is imperative to obey first and ask questions later. When those situations arise, it is usually an emergency or other situation where compliance is paramount. In such a scenario, there is often not the time to discuss the rationale behind your request, but if a child has been conditioned to require an explanation before compliance (and every time we give a child an explanation before they comply, we are conditioning him to expect an explanation as a prerequisite for compliance), there is little chance that the child will comply quickly without the need for a discussion.

Imagine a classroom where every child demands an explanation, and its following discussion, before doing what the teacher says.

Obedience is an essential skill to develop and, as parents, who know more about the world than our children, we will encounter times when our children must obey immediately, for safety or other reasons. Teaching our children how to reason, think for themselves, and respectfully question authority is also important when they are mature enough to apply it properly. In the meantime, we are not benefiting anyone by raising children who do not know how to do what they are told.

In Little E’s take-home papers from church on Sunday, there was a little blurb about the “bahhumbug” – a crazy illness that’s passed through stressful holiday travel, different foods, and hectic schedules. The symptoms include kids expecting special foods and other holiday special privileges.

The tips that were offered to cope with this malady include:

- Reinstating the normal rules and routines. Explain why exceptions were made for the holidays and don’t apologize.

- Give fewer choices. While kids need to be able to make some choices, we can all get overwhelmed by too many options.

- As with any “bug,” take care of yourself. Get more rest. Allow more time for getting ready in the morning. Say no to some activities.

You’ll be back to yourself in no time – or so I hope!